Legacy by silvershadeus - Part 2
I remember reading once that to know the world, first you must know yourself
and where it is that you fit into that world. Or perhaps that was something
someone once told me - the details escape me at the moment, but that does not
mean that there is no meaning behind those words.
I am Yutaka Watari,
resident mad scientist, although my real title is that of a professor of
mechanical engineering. I find myself forever fascinated with the workings of
anything mechanical, often to the point of distraction. I like to disassemble
things to discover how they work, and sometimes I manage to improve on them in
some small way.
It's a hobby, and somewhat of an obsession. There have
been times where I just sit and stare at something that I know I cannot
literally take apart, doing so in the confines of my mind. I visualize myself
removing the covering, setting the tiny brass screws aside so that I won't lose
them. Then I poke around carefully, moving aside wires that have been neatly
color-coded. Sometimes I manage to make it to the next step, but more often 003
or one of my friends interrupts me, bringing me back the present.
Usually
they find it amusing. Yet another quirk of eccentric, yet lovable Watari. I
would argue the point, if I thought doing so would prove worthwhile. It is a
quirk of mine, to want - no, to need - to know how mechanical things
work. I would imagine a doctor would feel the same way. The needing to
understand how a thing works - what function it serves - in order to be able to
either duplicate it or repair it.
I also dabble in things I have been
told would be better off left alone. I seek to create a sex-change potion -
something that my friends do not understand. I would enlighten them, if I
thought they would understand. For now I am content to let them think I am
quietly mad and leave it at that. They might even be right, I can't argue that
point - but my reasons are my own - and will most likely stay that
way.
Though I am by no means an expert chemist, I find that my skills
are improving with each new failure. As it was once said that you must be
willing to lose a battle to win the war, so it is with my experiments. The
others may expect me to lose hope with each new failure I suffer, but I know it
is just the opposite. Each failure is proof that I draw ever closer to the
success I know lies ahead of me somewhere. I only need to find it.
And I
am, as all of us are, a Shinigami. A God of Death. And as all of do in some
small way - I have a gift. A power that baffles even me at times. It would seem
that there is no point in being able to imbue a drawing with life - but
appearances are often deceiving. While my ability may never avert a rampaging
creature such as Tsuzuki's shikigami or Tatsumi's shadow magic will - it has
it's own uses. And it has proven it's worth time and again in the past, and no
doubt will again in time to come. Nothing - no matter what it appears to be - is
ever truly useless. It only becomes so when you no longer have faith in it...or
yourself.
And then there is the fact that my gift is not my only saving
grace. There is the fact that I am a skilled mechanical engineer, and doctor of
sorts. I am the one who tends to the others when they are injured or sick. That
I am the one they rely on when even the GuShoShin brothers cannot help them in
their research.
I am, as I have stated earlier, not a conformist. My
first death occurred when I was twenty-four during the late seventies. Long hair
such as mine was not uncommon then - but neither was it fully accepted by
'polite society.' I was never interested in following the pattern that society
fell into, nor was I interested in actively disrupting that same pattern. I
simply wanted to exist alongside it, but not part of it. Perhaps that does not
make sense to you who will read this, but one day I am sure it will. The day you
learn to accept who and what you are, you will understand what I mean.
So
that is my place in my world. Where I belong. What I do, and what I am. I am the
one who knows things the others often do not. The one who they turn to when they
are in need of help, and can find no other to offer them that help. I am their
doctor, their confidant, and their friend. I am the one who will sit and listen,
and who will not cast judgment on them because that is not what they have asked
of me. I will listen when they cannot bear the silence any
longer.
Perhaps they tell me so much because they see me as someone they
know will never turn them away. Perhaps they feel that as their doctor I have an
obligation to keep whatever they tell me between the two of us. That implied
trust in the 'Doctor-patient privilege' relationship.
Or perhaps they
know that I would never reveal anything they have told me to anyone else,
because I am their friend. It is a role that I never expected to take up, but
one I am profoundly glad to have been given. One that I accept freely and
willingly. One that I would not trade for any other. It is the role of a
lifetime. The one that I never expected to receive, but am grateful beyond words
that I have.
There is a rule that states Shinigami are only to work in
pairs. That we are required to have a partner, someone who will watch our back
and protect us if necessary. I have had partners in the past, but never for very
long. They claim that they cannot stand my methods, my habit of testing
experiments out on them. My tendency to sometimes act first and think later,
when it comes to reaching my lifelong goal.
As though any of my
experiments ever had any lasting effects on any of them. I mean
really...
Chief Konoe has given up on trying to place another Shinigami
with me as my partner. Either they fear I will pounce on them and use them as a
guinea pig for my experiments, or they simply do not understand me. Too often,
it is the former. There are many stories of my scientific endeavors floating
around for anyone to want to voluntarily become my partner.
I am
sometimes paired with one of the GuShoShin brothers, but more often than not it
is just 003 and myself. Which pleases me to no end. She is the best partner I
could ever hope for. She protects me in what ways she is able, and I do the same
for her. We make an unusual team, but an effective one. And who would ever
suspect a harmless little owl of being a Shinigami's partner?
The only
other Shinigami I know of who has gone through as many partners as I have is
Tsuzuki. We are very much alike in that way I think. Until lately, there has
been no one up to having the violet-eyed Shinigami as a partner for any
substantial length of time.
There was always something that prevented
his partners and him from forming that perfect team that partners should be.
Tatsumi was one of them, once. He has never declared his reasons for breaking
off their partnership, but anyone with eyes to see knows his reasons.
It
is plain enough for a blind man to see, and painful enough for even a dead man
to feel the ache in his chest at the mere thought of it. Love is ever a cruel
mistress. Even more so when that love is one-sided, as Tatsumi's love for
Tsuzuki was. There was love between them, but never the kind of love that
Tatsumi wanted.
Tsuzuki claimed that he was not bothered by the fact that
he had no partner. He claimed that working with one of the GuShoShin brothers
instead of another Shinigami was perfectly fine.
He was always a poor
liar when it came to matters of the heart - or the soul.
Unlike me, who
has all the partner I could hope for in 003, Tsuzuki needs the closeness only
another human could give him. He needs someone to talk to who will talk back to
him. He needs someone who will listen to him - and answer in ways that he
understands. He needs others, perhaps more than he needs air to breathe or water
to drink.
And then Hisoka came to us, becoming Tsuzuki's new partner. He
is the only one who can stand to see Tsuzuki in pain, and do something about it.
The only one who understands his pain far better than anyone else has ever been
able to. He is the only one who that Tsuzuki has ever reacted to so strongly
before. The only one that Tsuzuki can't get out of his mind. The only one who
lingers behind his eyes and his smile long after Hisoka has left the
room.
They make a good team, I think. Both are suited for each other, and
both are fiercely protective of each other. And...there is something more there,
which anyone could see, if they had the eyes to.
Ah...but I still
haven't introduced them, have I? To you the names I've mentioned may sound
familiar in the way an actor or actress's name from some bygone era would be.
You think you've heard them, but are unable to place a face to the name. It's
the same for me concerning those who came before us, I'm afraid.
I would
tell you more of them, but it is late now, and there is a meeting early tomorrow
morning. One that I absolutely cannot be late for or miss - Tatsumi made quite
sure that I understood that part. And now 003 is hooting for me to open the
window and let her back inside after her nightly flight around the Meifu, which
means that it is even later than I thought. So until the next time I write in
this journal, be well.
~ Yutaka Watari ~
To be continued...